In Boston
by SkinnyLittleLesbian
Summary: In which Henry wants to go to Boston. Swan Queen.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning:** Dubious consent.

* * *

"You're not dead." Emma stared at him feeling – empty. She blinked. She should feel something, she thought. Joy at seeing him again, or relief that he was still alive. But instead she looked at his widely grinning face and had to force herself to look glad. Snow and David disappeared up the stairs, giving them all the privacy the apartment's kitchen could offer.

"I know!" He swooped in, grabbed her by the waist, and lifted her into the air. "We're both alive."

There was an expectant look in his eyes. She tried to soften her expression to make it seem more genuine. "That's good, huh?"

He placed her gently back on the ground and hugged her tightly. "We finally have our chance."

"Yeah." It was true. They did finally have a chance. There were no more secrets between them, no unknown fairy tale history. Yet she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to do anything with the man who'd abandoned her twice.

His lips were firm and there was a certain comfort that came along with his affection. It was safe, in the way that she remembered her security blanket's ability to protect her from the boogie monster. She held onto his arms and let him deepen the kiss. Her mind wandered, though, to his recently deceased girl friend – to her recent hand in killing his fiancée. The journey had been harrowing and Emma hadn't been sure at all times that she'd come back alive, but Regina's constant demands kept her focused. The brunette woman had saved her more times than Emma cared to admit. Emma also didn't care to admit that Regina had eyes she could get lost in.

"Where are you?" Neal pulled back.

"Right here." She assured him, but her eyes didn't quite focus in on his.

He stroked her cheek and sighed. "We should get a house."

"What?" The rate at which she stumbled out of his grip alarmed him. He grabbed after her, but she scrambled a few feet away.

"We can be a family."

"I have a family now." She thought about Snow and David, and their tearful gazes right after the curse broke. She thought about Henry, smiling at her with the utmost of confidence that first night in Boston. She thought about Regina, hands around the trigger and fear in her twitching smile.

"Yeah, you do. We'll get married, though, and make it official."

"I don't think I'm ready for that." She blinked, trying to keep up with his expectations and to make sense of her brain including Regina in her family.

"What? But we've got so much time to catch up on. Why waste more?"

"Uh, you may be cool with everything that's happened, but I really am not. You grew up with this crap. All the fairy tale stuff, the dangerous adventures – Neverland. But me – I was raised in normal boring old reality. I just – need to figure some things out. I want to find my own way. I want to get to know my parents. I want to be a parent to Henry."

"We can do that together."

"I spent ten years struggling to understand why you'd walk away from me." She swallowed awkwardly. "You can't undo that in a few weeks."

"I understand." He moved quickly and kissed her again. "Don't take too long, though."

0-0-0

"I've always felt badly about what happened." He clutched her hand tighter. The cool air whipped through his scruffy hair. "I need you to know that."

"I know." It didn't erase the years of misery, or the time spent in jail, but at least he understood he'd hurt her. She sighed and wondered if taking this walk with him had been a mistake.

"It was for the best, wasn't it?"

People kept doing that, she thought. Everyone else clearly knew what was best for her. It was amazing she hadn't died after making her own decisions for most of her life. "We'll never know. But I guess. We're both here and Henry's a good kid."

"I'm glad she didn't ruin him."

Any semblance of a smile Emma had been sporting vanished. "What do you mean?"

"The Evil Queen's been raising our kid."

"Regina has been his mother his entire life." Emma corrected.

"Right, which is what I'm saying. At least she didn't ruin him."

"She wouldn't hurt him." Emma held her hand up to cut off his response. "Let's just agree to disagree?"

"Alright." She envied him at times. His personality was like duck feathers – things just rolled off of him and his easy smile rarely faltered – except when his father was the topic of conversation. "Well, mind if we stop in Granny's? I need the bathroom."

"Fine." She was already thinking through her excuses to end their pseudo-date.

"Emma!" As soon as they walked into the diner, Henry slammed into her midsection.

"Hey, kid."

"Are you going to have lunch with me and Mom?"

She followed his finger with her eyes and spotted Regina sitting in a back booth. "No, Neal just needed the bathroom."

"Come sit with us." He insisted. When Neal walked back towards the bathroom, Henry noticed a shift in Emma's attitude – her shoulders rolled back into a relaxed stance and her lips quirked up.

"Ms. Swan." Regina greeted. "We haven't seen much of you lately."

"I know." Regret caused Emma to frown, but the expression quickly disappeared. "So you guys are having lunch?"

"Would you care to join us?"

"Henry already asked." Emma chuckled. "But no thanks. Neal wants to take me out to eat."

Henry watched his mother's face darken ever so slightly. Regina picked up her knife and fiddled with it. "I see."

"I know." Henry's eyes flickered to Emma's face. Her shoulders were inching back up. Interesting, he thought. "It's weird having him here."

"I wasn't going to comment."

"That's okay." Emma stood as Neal approached. "You don't have to say anything. I have a pretty good idea what you're thinking."

Regina's eyes narrowed dangerously when Neal kissed Emma's cheek. Henry observed the exchange with a studious expression.

0-0-0

His kiss was wet and sloppy and his hands too pushy. He pinned her to the wall and palmed one of her breasts. "I love you, Emma Swan."

She winced under his hard touch and pushed him back. "Neal, go to bed. You're drunk."

He caught her shoulders and brought her toppling with him. They landed on the bedspread and he rolled quickly on top of her. "I never thought we'd have this again."

"Yeah, me neither." She strained to free herself, but he was heavy and unmoving.

She flinched when his hands moved suddenly to her jeans. He fumbled through removing them, laughing at her hands knocking against his. In his stupor, he assumed she was trying to help. When he pressed his lips once more to hers, and she tasted the alcohol on his breath, she went limp.

0-0-0

The Bug idled on the curb while Emma drummed her fingers on the dashboard. Henry'd begged and begged for a trip to Boston for his birthday and she'd finally given in – and the kid had forgotten his pajamas at Regina's. He appeared a few minutes later with clothing in hand, and Regina at his side.

"Don't get angry," he prefaced his explanation, which was never a good sign in Emma's experience, "but I invited Mom to come too."

"I'm not angry." Emma leaned over and popped the passenger door open. "But we're wasting time. So come on – get in so we can get going."

Henry practically leapt into the backseat while Regina seated herself neatly next to Emma. She had a small black bag that rested between her feet. Emma got the impression that Regina was trying to take up as little space as possible.

"Relax." She switched on the radio. "I promise the car won't burst into flames."

"Your assurance means so much." Regina sniffed.

"Next time I'll call for a town car." Emma teased. She focused back on the road, a little uncomfortable with the easy rapport she had with Regina.

0-0-0

"I'm bushed." Henry announced the moment they stepped into the hotel room.

"But we haven't even had dinner." Emma eyed him. "Are you planning something?"

"Just room service." He admitted with a sheepish smile. "But really – you two go have something nice. I just want to sleep."

"Don't get anything too extravagant."

"It's my birthday…"

Regina stared him down. "Listen to Emma."

"Yeah, I'll just get a burger or something." He dropped onto one of the beds. "Just go!"

Though it felt like a poorly executed plan, Emma followed Regina out the door and down into the lobby. They wandered out into the Boston streets and Emma took a moment to orient herself to the city once again.

"How do you feel about Chinese?"

"I wouldn't be opposed."

"Whaddayou think the kid's up to?"

Regina shrugged her shoulders and kept her face blank. "I'm sure I have no idea."

"He better not touch the pay-per-view."

"You neglected to warn him against that."

"It's common sense."

"I have come to understand, Ms. Swan, that your family has a very loose grasp on that."

"Yeah." Emma cleared her throat, keenly aware of how close Regina was standing to her. The brunette was definitely within kissing distance. "So… dinner?"

"Lead the way."

0-0-0

"I've always been curious. What was Henry like as a little kid?" Emma fumbled with her chopsticks, but ultimately set them aside in favor of a fork.

Regina handled her chopsticks expertly. "As you might expect – he had a healthy curiosity for all things. He wanted to know why things were as they were, and how everything worked. I never allowed him sugar as he was energetic enough without interference."

"So he was happy."

"I thought so." Regina eased a chunk of rice into her mouth.

"That's all I ever wanted for him – a safe place to grow up."

Regina's eyes closed minutely in response. She thought better of asking Emma of her childhood – such a topic didn't seem like polite conversation. "It seems as if you are back together with Gold's offspring?"

"Uh… he thinks so?" Emma tugged on the tablecloth.

"What do you think?"

"You actually care?"

At first Regina was going to spit out a 'No,' but she caught the uncertainty in Emma's gaze. "I do."

"I'm not ready for that. For him."

"You seemed awfully close at the diner."

"He thinks so." Emma repeated. "I'm not sure. I can't just tell him to back off, can I? He's – well, we have a history."

"So you believe you ought to stay with him?"

"I guess."

"Did you never learn to say no?" Regina noticed that Emma hadn't touched her food in a good many minutes. "Ms. Swan?"

"Sometimes there's no point in saying no, y'know? It's not hurting anyone, is it?"

Regina reached across the table but hesitated before actually taking Emma's hand into her grip. "If I might dispense some advice – from personal experience – there is always a point in saying no."

"Sometimes you can't fight back. You understand that." Emma slipped her hand into Regina's fingers. "Sometimes you have to lie back and let life happen to you."

Feeling there was something going unsaid Regina held onto Emma's tense hand and tilted her head. "Have you recently lied back and let life happen to you?"

Emma jerked out of her grip. "No."

"Excuse me. I misspoke." Regina recognized the mixture of fear and distrust that flashed through Emma's eyes and backed down.

"Uh…"

"What do you have planned for us tomorrow?"

Emma was immensely grateful for the change in topic. She launched into an enthusiastic discussion of Boston's many sights. Regina, though feigning rapt attention, wondered what had nearly set the blonde off. If she had the chance, she'd like to dig further.

0-0-0

Henry darted forward, his camera swinging wildly around his neck. Regina wanted to tell him to slow down, but this was his birthday weekend. She didn't want to put a damper on his celebrating and she'd long since learned to loosen her grip on him.

"Aren't you interested in Paul Revere's house?"

Regina snorted. "This is your history, not mine."

"You live here now too." Emma scolded. "You should know these things."

"Do you know any history from the Forest?"

"Does Henry's book count?" Emma frowned. "Something about an Ogre War?"

"I thought so. The day you can lecture me on the history of your true home is the day I will learn something about this country."

"You're impossible."

Regina smiled. "Perhaps we simply have different goals."

"I think we both want the same thing for Henry. That's a pretty big goal we have in common."

"If you insist on finding common ground, I won't begrudge you." Regina allowed. "I would have to agree that we do have more in common that we might like."

Emma froze up next to her, panicked thoughts returning to their aborted conversation of the evening before. "I…"

"Henry!" Regina picked up her pace to keep him within her sights. Emma flicked her tongue along her suddenly dry lips and hurried after.

0-0-0

Regina woke suddenly. Henry was curled against her abdomen, but Emma's bed was empty. She eased out of Henry's grip and followed the faint sound of sobbing to the bathroom. "Ms. Swan?"

The crying halted immediately. "I'm fine. Go back to bed."

Regina jiggled the door knob. "And if I need to use the restroom?"

"It can't wait?"

"No."

The door opened slowly and Regina took a moment to let her gaze rove Emma's pale, tear-infested face. The blonde stepped aside to let Regina pass, but Regina stood stoically in the doorway.

"Tell me."

"What?"

Regina stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. "Why are you crying?"

"This isn't your problem."

"No, perhaps not. But this is Henry's birthday weekend. You wouldn't want to spoil it, would you?"

Emma wiped at her nose with a bit of toilet paper. "No. I would never…"

"Explain yourself."

For a long moment, Emma was silent. "I don't think I want to be with Neal."

"That's easily fixed. End it."

"I can't just give him a viper." Emma sat down heavily on the edge of the tub. "We have a history."

"I am aware." Regina rolled her eyes. "But history does not dictate the future."

"It does, in a way."

"Stop speaking in riddles."

"We slept together." Emma wasn't sure her voice could get any smaller.

"You sound so thrilled."

"I wasn't."

"Did you say no?"

"Saying no makes it worse." Emma reminded her. "He was drunk."

"So? Rebuffing a drunk can be difficult, but it's not impossible." Regina watched the shame creep across Emma's cheeks and backpedalled. "Perhaps more impossible in some cases."

Emma was exhausted, both physically and emotionally – at least that was the excuse she gave herself for spilling her darker secrets when she formulated her response. "When I was a kid, I stayed with this one family. The mom was really nice, but the dad was an alcoholic. He'd get wasted every night, and every once in a while he'd remember that I was staying with them."

"Ms. Swan…"

"It's not like that." Emma hurried on. "Like, he didn't molest me, but he hurt me. He always just stank like booze. Just totally reeked. The first few times I tried to stop him. I got my arm broken in two places, and then a broken rib. After that I learned to just keep quiet."

"Did Mr. Cassidy hit you?"

"No, of course not. But." Emma turned her eyes to the ceiling. "I didn't say no."

"And he made physical advances."

"Yes."

Regina wasn't sure what was expected of her. She struggled with the basics of human interaction and this felt like taking a test in an advanced level class. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know that." Emma wiped at her eyes. "He'd been drinking and he just smelled-"

"Like that man." Regina tentatively placed her hand on Emma's knee. She watched Emma's face for signs that this was a bad move. "May I ask why you don't wish to be with him?"

"I just don't feel like that anymore. Maybe if he'd found me a few years ago – but his fiancée… And everything that's happened – don't I get a chance to think about things? He said I could have some time, but he just kept pressuring."

"I wouldn't have." Regina snapped her jaw shut. "What I mean is that you may have a history with him, but you don't owe him anything in the future. In my opinion you do owe him a nice left hook, if anything at all."

"When I kiss him, I'm not thinking about him."

"…Oh?"

"I'm thinking about you." Regina removed her hand slowly, but Emma caught it. "You're family now. And this just kinda proves it. You didn't have to come in here."

"You were crying."

"And you were kind."

"There-"

"Don't try to write it off. Sorry if I made this weird."

"You didn't. I will admit that I, too, think of you at otherwise inappropriate moments."

"I'm not…" Emma turned suddenly and scrubbed her face against a towel. "I don't know what comes next."

"Neither do I."

"But I want to figure things out. By myself." Emma felt better without tears drying to her cheeks. "It's been a long couple of years. Everything's different and I don't even know how to feel. I need to remember who I was before all of this – decide if I even want to be that person anymore."

"I understand."

"Will you wait?"

"Take as long as you need."


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't understand." Neal stood as close as he could to her, his large, hurt eyes, flickering over her face – searching for some sign that she was joking. When she maintained a blank mien, he gawped a moment longer and then stuttered onward. "We – this is our chance, Emma. And you're, what, throwing it away? Because of some trip with the Evil Queen?"

She was wholly unprepared for his lips to barrage her own. She waited stiffly for him to realize she wasn't kissing back and merely tightened her frown to keep him from trying to deepen it. He lifted his hands to cup her cheeks and she finally stepped back.

"Neal, it's over. I'm not even sure it ever began."

"We were talking about getting married."

"You were talking about getting married. I told you I needed time."

"And I gave it to you!" He grabbed her shoulders when she tried to turn away. "We've been through so much together, Em. I get it. You need to process – but so do I. We don't have to do this alone. We're better together – we always were. Remember when we were kids?"

"I remember when I was a kid." She snapped. "How old were you? Two hundred and seventy two?"

He jerked back. "It's not like that."

"How old were you?" She repeated.

"It doesn't matter, does it? We were right for each other then, and we're right for each other now."

"You must have spent more time than I thought in Neverland. You never grew up." She fought the sudden surge of despair in her stomach. He made it sound like they were fated to be together – he wasn't her true love. She couldn't believe that her true love would abandon her as he had. If he was her future, she didn't foresee much happiness – just a lot of living in the past and remembering how it used to be good.

"I did grow up. So did you. Those ten years weren't easy on me, either."

"Don't even go there." She pulled completely out of his grip and backed up, desperate to put a bit of space between them. "You have no idea what you put me through."

"Emma-"

"No. You don't get to say anything. I depended on you and you let me take the fall for you." She wiped at her eyes, furious that he could still pull such strong emotions from her. "And you've hurt me now. When does it stop, Neal? When do you stop breaking me?"

His chin trembled. "I'm not breaking you."

"You are, and I can't just sit here and let it happen. Leave me alone, Neal. I mean it."

"If that's what you want." He cast one last look at her, frowned, and strode away.

0-0-0

Snow wrapped her arms around Emma's shaking frame. She wondered if this was a mistake when Emma remained rigid – but after a tense moment, the blonde collapsed against her. While Emma sobbed, Snow rubbed soothing circles on her back.

"Did you want to talk about it?"

"I-" Emma snuffled. She drew the back of her hand across her nose and then cringed as it came away covered in mucus. Snow leaned over to the bedside table and snagged the box of tissues. Emma took one gratefully and cleaned up. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. But I'm here if you need me."

Emma's hands curled into Snow's sweater. "Where were you my entire childhood?"

Snow had no answer to that, and no idea if Emma was bitter, so she sat quietly until she heard Emma's watery laugh. "I saw Neal leaving. Is this about him?"

"Yeah, but also no. It's been a while, y'know?" Emma cleared her throat. "Probably just overdue for a good cry."

"Once a week is best." Snow offered.

"He wanted me to be someone I just don't want to be anymore."

Snow's mind nimbly leapt through the change in topic. She had never wasted much of her time on courting as a young woman, as Charming had been the only man for her, but she could empathize with the pain in Emma's eyes.

"Who did he expect you to be?"

"This – woman ready to marry him and make a home. He wants a family, but it doesn't have to be with me. I'm not going to follow him around like I used to. Maybe I would, if he'd just give me a chance to breath."

"When I was a very small girl, my mother told me that people are linked to their soul mate with a bit of yarn – the problem is there are so many people in the world that sometimes your yarn gets tangled up with everyone you meet. It can take a while to undo all the knots – but in the end you just know who you ought to be with."

"That's not Neal."

"It doesn't have to be."

"Sometimes I feel it should be. He's the sort of man-" Emma cut herself off, unwilling to share too much. Her emotional outburst was receding, and with it fled her desire to air out her sordid past.

"Yes?"

"He's the sort of man I always thought I'd end up with." Emma invented. "But it doesn't mean he's what I need."

"What do you think that is?"

"I have a pretty good idea, and she's willing to wait."

0-0-0

Emma waited patiently while the phone rang. There was a pile of papers scattered haphazardly in front of her, and the nearest had a single name and number scribbled at the top. Ms. Inez was her first shot at being happy, she thought, and finding her was proving tougher than she anticipated. Before she could determine who she wanted to be, she had to remember who she was – which meant tracking down the one decent foster home she'd had.

There were a number of homes that had been horrible, and she'd been shunted from placement to placement as if she were a hacky sack and not a scared, lonely child. There weren't too many memories she treasured from her early years, and only scant few more after she ran away, but some did exist.

Just below Ms. Inez's name and number, Emma began to scratch out a rudimentary picture. While staying with Ms. Inez and her husband – a man who had demanded she call him Walt, not Mr. Inez, or Walter, or certainly shithead – she'd had a stuffed lamb. The first night in their house, Ms. Inez sat down on the edge of her bed, pulled the lamb out, and explained that it was for every bit of frustration she felt.

If she was mad, she was to punch the lamb. If she was sad, she was to hug the lamb. And so the list of emotions continued. Emma had barely listened. She was too focused on something that was going to be purely hers. Her life had been filled with community property and borrowed toys. This lamb was to be hers and hers alone. When Ms. Inez had placed it into her arms and pulled the covers up over her shoulder, she had wanted to thank the woman – but nothing more than a shy peep came out.

A Spanish speaking voice interrupted her thoughts and she responded in kind. The conversation went quickly – Emma's question was met with awkward silence and then a somberly recited address. Emma kept her voice steady as she said thank you and hung up.

"Ms. Swan?"

Emma lifted her head. "I didn't hear you come in."

Regina practically glided to Emma's desk and splayed her hand against the hardwood surface. "Did I hear you correctly?"

"Hm?"

"You speak Spanish."

"Yeah – not as good as I used to, but I learned for a year or so when I was a kid."

"I'm impressed." Regina rattled off a quick sentence and a sultry smile.

"Pretend I'm a child." Emma sighed. "Use simple vocabulary."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"I don't know."

"Something has certainly deflated your balloon today."

"I'm fine."

"Care to share?"

"I'm heading back to Boston, I think. There's something I have to take care of."

Regina wet her lips and made unwavering eye contact. "Is this about your phone call?"

"Yes."

"Would you like my company?"

Emma wanted to do this alone, to make this final pilgrimage by herself, but Regina was offering something she hadn't truly had since her lamb had been ripped from her fingers – unassuming comfort. She nodded her assent.

0-0-0

"I know I'm not much in the way of emotional support." Regina stated. She'd been thinking about what she was going to say to Emma for the past day and a half, and that was the best she could muster.

"You're enough." Emma pressed down on the gas pedal. She'd gotten to a fairly numb state and she was doing her best to remain there. Regina's expressive gaze, however, was making her stomach tumble.

Regina sat quietly for several minutes. It was a rarity in her life that someone would readily admit that she was enough. Her childhood had been spent assuming that she'd never be smart enough, or pretty enough, or good enough for her mother. As an adult, the people hated her no matter what she did. She was never good enough for them, either. But Emma handed out those validating words with a look of genuine appreciation.

"I brought a bag. I wasn't sure if we were staying the night."

"I hadn't thought about it." Emma's fingers tightened around the steering wheel. "I just – I've been a little distracted."

"I heard about your encounter with Neal."

"Most people in town have."

"I wasn't gossiping."

"I know." Emma softened her voice. "I can't get used to small town life."

"Boston is just a car ride away."

"I spent too long running."

Regina stared out the window to avoid looking at Emma. She was willing to wait as long as Emma required, but the impulse to touch the other woman only grew the sadder Emma got. Too keep from breaching her promise, she tucked her fingers under her thighs and watched the trees whip by.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

Emma tapped the directions taped to the dashboard. "There."

"Where is there?"

"The family plot."

Regina shifted uncomfortably. Burials were something she'd had too much experience with, but rarely in the same context as Emma. She associated liveliness and fervor with Emma, not death. "I hadn't known you to have one."

"There's no space for me. They – they're not my family anymore."

"Can I ask why not?"

Emma shook her head. "I can't."

"Very well."

"They were good to me." Emma managed. Her voice hitched and she moved quickly to a new topic. "Is Henry okay if we're gone overnight?"

"I made arrangements with your mother."

"I'm sure she was pleased."

"Oh, very." Regina rolled her eyes.

"I'm surprised you didn't ask someone else, just to spite her."

Regina bit down on her cheek. If there was anyone in Storybrooke who thought she could change, she'd thought it would be Emma. It sounded, though, as if Emma expected the same dark shenanigans, just as everyone else did.

"I-"

"What I mean," Emma cut in, "is that it was a golden opportunity to make her squirm. She needs that a little, y'know? She's got everything now and I'd hate if she got a big head about it. Besides, she likes fighting with you."

Regina's temper cooled. "Perhaps I'm tired of fighting."

"That's fine." Emma hurried on. Better, she decided, to talk about Regina's issues than her own. "I'm happy about that. If my mother and my – you could get along, that'd make my life so much easier."

Regina smiled, but kept her face tilted away.

0-0-0

Emma knelt and yanked at the grass around the small plaque. She'd already cleaned one and Regina was content to let her take as much time as she needed honoring the second. She pulled an envelope out of her jacket, kissed it, and set it on the now-clean headstone.

"Little Bo Peep?"

Emma flushed. "That's what she used to call me. Or just Peep."

"That's cute."

"I was too shy to talk for the first week. Apparently the only noise I could manage was a tiny peep when something pleased me. I found my voice, but the name stuck." Emma smiled. When the first tear fell, she made no motion to clear her eyes.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Emma turned and buried her face in Regina's shoulder. This time, the hug felt natural and Regina knew she was doing it right.

0-0-0

"We should have gone home."

Regina shook her head. "I dislike driving at night, Ms. Swan."

"I'd be driving."

"Relax. You may call and check on Henry as soon as dinner is concluded."

Emma felt her heart begin to thrum as Regina pulled her chair out for her and then pushed her in. "What if I really needed to see him? It's been an emotional day."

"You'll see him tomorrow. Tonight I think it's best you take some time for yourself. Gather your thoughts, feel your emotions, and just let yourself be."

"I… I'm not so good at that sort of thing."

"I've had twenty years to review my mistakes, to mourn for my losses, and to wonder how things might have been." Regina said slowly. "It is a necessary part of living with grief. But I've also learned you cannot wallow."

"Is that what you think I'd do?"

"I think you'd rush home to Henry and bury away your pain. You'd smile every day so he'd never know, but each day your smile would droop a little more until he'd have to be blind not to see your pain. You cannot simply erase your pain by not thinking about it."

"They were the only decent people I had in my life." Emma blurted. "They took me in when I was eight and I really think they loved me. I thought they were angels. I got a room of my own, and toys that were finally mine – and they listened when I talked. Do you have any idea how that feels? Every other adult in my life never had time, or said I was ungrateful, but this woman and her husband listened to every fucking tantrum, validated every emotion, and all they expected of me was to keep my room clean."

Regina reached across the table and took Emma's hand. Before she could comment, the waiter arrived with the wine list. Conscious of Emma's previous explanation, she shook her head. "Water is fine."

"No, have a glass of wine."

"But Ms. Swan-"

"I'll be fine. Everything in moderation. I'll take a beer, for that matter." Emma fished her ID out of her pocket.

Regina ordered, but kept her eyes on Emma's face. As soon as the waiter disappeared, she leaned forward. "What happened?"

"Walt got cancer. Keeping me was just too expensive, even with the government check. At first they kept checking in on me. But the sicker he got, the less they could do for me. Eventually I stopped hearing from them completely. I understood."

Regina squeezed her hand. "It must have still hurt."

"I cried every night." Emma kept her eyes on the cloth napkin in her lap. "I wasn't mad at them. I was mad at everyone. What had I done to deserve never being happy? It was worse – to know what being loved felt like and then having it ripped away. It wasn't fair, but I got used to it. I wasn't supposed to be happy. I was a meal ticket, a way for other people to get what they wanted."

"Do you still feel this way?"

Emma shrugged. "It's hard not to."

Regina frowned. The conversation drifted into less intense subjects, but she couldn't shake the image of Emma's heartbroken eyes fixed on her. There was a silent plea there, she thought, that she would be different. When the check came, she knocked Emma's hand away and paid for everything.

0-0-0

Emma curled into her arms, mouth resting just above her elbow. There were two beds in the hotel room, but there seemed to be no question as to their sleeping arrangements. Due to the mood lingering around, Regina had no misapprehensions about what was to happen that evening. Emma was in need of comfort, and Regina was prepared to offer it.

"Thanks for coming with." Emma's breath was warm against her skin.

"I wish I could do more."

"Nothing more to do."

Regina pulled Emma closer. "Just tell me what you need."

Emma twisted and pressed a small kiss to Regina's lips. It was over before Regina could react, but it meant more than any other kiss Regina had ever received. "You're enough."

"Am I?"

"Yes." Emma settled her head against Regina's arm.

"I want to be more."

"You don't have to." Regina tightened her grip on Emma's middle. There was nothing she could say to appropriately encompass her feelings, so she remained silent. Emma let out a soft sigh. "You can say it, y'know? Whatever you're thinking."

"I was like you when I was young." She whispered. "I didn't know what I'd done to deserve my lot in life, and I wasn't sure how I could make amends so that everything would stop hurting. Now I'm simply trying to understand what I did to deserve you."

"You didn't have to do anything." Emma responded.

Regina held Emma, like Emma once held her lamb.


End file.
